Stepped Out: Life of a Stepmom

 The question never fails: "How do you do it?" Once I tell them that I married a man with 3 kids of his own, and we have one together.  I'm still trying to figure out what the question really means. Does it really mean, "Why did you do it?" or "That's so many kids, you must have a crazy life." or "Tell me the truth, you're miserable aren't you?"

Whatever it really means, let me tell you.

When Paul and I met, through the internet, I saw that he had 3 kids. Divorced. And a Cubs fan. Yeah...what a catch right? Then I kept reading, and it said that he enjoyed country music. Yes, an Asian man that enjoyed country music? Well sign me up! The story goes...we met, we fell in love, and we got married. I stepped out of my idealistic mentality and took a chance.

I hear about the struggles of step-parenthood often. The kids are disrespectful. The spouse gives no support and sides with the kid. The kid manipulates the poor me, "I have no mommy/daddy" issue. The no discipline, because you're not really their parent...just the adult. So the list goes on.

No, it's not the most ideal situation, but if you have chosen this path...then I assume you have the balls to step it up. And not just balls, but a solid foundation. Talk about what role you will be having with the kids, before you meet the kids. Support each other. Choose a side, and stick with it.  If you choose to be their friend, don't expect for them to react to your discipline. If you choose to be their parent, then expect the hard road of them perhaps retaliating against you. Whatever it is, be consistent. And above all, love them unconditionally.

It may be complicated, and it will be hard. But the life that I chose cannot make any more sense than it already does. So when someone asks me, "How do you do it?" Well...I can ask them the same. The circumstance may be different, but the life lessons are all in the same. Patience. Loyalty. Trust. and Love.

Is my life crazy? Absolutely, but not any crazier than the next person. What keeps me sane is that I can always trust that Paul has my back. And that, gives normalcy to any unordinary situation.

Transformed

I was 16 years old. Upstairs, alone in my room. I just returned home from "foster care," my parents sent me away to because of my wild ways. My Christian foster parents thought I was not ready to go back to Iowa. That I still need more of a disciplined home. More of a Jesus-everything type of environment to save me from the dark road I was headed on. They were right, they saw right through me. I was giving my parents an illusion of a changed girl that they desperately wanted me to be.

I sat in my room and thought about all the wrong I had done. The wrongs I have done against my parents. Against all that had loved me. And, against myself. Not just the pot that I smoked, or even the curse words that came out of my lips. But the outright sin against God himself. Rebuking Him, degrading Him, cursing Him.  Just then, an overwhelming wave of sin filled my physical body. Sin became real. My stomach turned. My body convulsed in absolute disgust. The intensity of all my sin filled my body. I immediately dropped to my knees, and my face unto the ground of my small room. I began to weep so hard, I could hardly control myself and my tears. Dry heaving again and again. I wept because I saw my sin. Because I felt God's love. Because I finally understood why Jesus had to die. Because I had nothing left of myself. The combination of being redeemed, being loved beyond measure, and understanding the full Gospel, kept me weeping uncontrollably. I knew, I just knew, right then....that God is real. And I was sorry, SOOO sorry for the disgusting person I was to out-rightly sin against the Almighty King Himself!

You see, God revealed Himself as a Father to me. A Father that I feared, and loved all in the same. My mind couldn't understand why He would love me so much to save me. To save me from my dark path. Save me from ever feeling incomplete again. And giving me the ultimate life of truth, love, and complete surrender.

I often want to ask about what God is doing in my friends lives right now. Not wanting to ask about how they came to Christ. It just seemed like the same thing over and over again. I wanted to focus on the now. But if we don't remind ourselves of how we started, our path today can be in complete complacency. Remember when you held your baby for the first time? The day you fell in love with your life long mate? Or how the smell of the fresh rain on cut grass reminds you of a childhood memory that everything in your world, was somehow complete?

This day, when I was 16 years old, alone in my room, was the first day of an incredibly fulfilling life. I lost some friends in this transition, gained some lifelong mentors, and ultimately received the greatest gift of all..Jesus. I'm not a perfect person, and those whom are close know that I am by far the most unpredictable. I've hurt and may hurt those around me still. I struggle in the discipline of humility. I lack compassion. But when I think about this day that I experienced of redemption and forgiveness, I'm reminded all over again why Jesus died for me, and I will remain forever His child, being transformed in His light.

This is the truth. In my singleness, married life, and nomadic ventures...I've never felt incomplete. The certainty I have in Jesus is boundless.