The question never fails: "How do you do it?" Once I tell them that I married a man with 3 kids of his own, and we have one together. I'm still trying to figure out what the question really means. Does it really mean, "Why did you do it?" or "That's so many kids, you must have a crazy life." or "Tell me the truth, you're miserable aren't you?"
Whatever it really means, let me tell you.
When Paul and I met, through the internet, I saw that he had 3 kids. Divorced. And a Cubs fan. Yeah...what a catch right? Then I kept reading, and it said that he enjoyed country music. Yes, an Asian man that enjoyed country music? Well sign me up! The story goes...we met, we fell in love, and we got married. I stepped out of my idealistic mentality and took a chance.
I hear about the struggles of step-parenthood often. The kids are disrespectful. The spouse gives no support and sides with the kid. The kid manipulates the poor me, "I have no mommy/daddy" issue. The no discipline, because you're not really their parent...just the adult. So the list goes on.
No, it's not the most ideal situation, but if you have chosen this path...then I assume you have the balls to step it up. And not just balls, but a solid foundation. Talk about what role you will be having with the kids, before you meet the kids. Support each other. Choose a side, and stick with it. If you choose to be their friend, don't expect for them to react to your discipline. If you choose to be their parent, then expect the hard road of them perhaps retaliating against you. Whatever it is, be consistent. And above all, love them unconditionally.
It may be complicated, and it will be hard. But the life that I chose cannot make any more sense than it already does. So when someone asks me, "How do you do it?" Well...I can ask them the same. The circumstance may be different, but the life lessons are all in the same. Patience. Loyalty. Trust. and Love.
Is my life crazy? Absolutely, but not any crazier than the next person. What keeps me sane is that I can always trust that Paul has my back. And that, gives normalcy to any unordinary situation.
